"I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married? But I wouldn't want to put down marriage as a whole - which it is." --Kevin Hench
"They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their commercials. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your hair look luscious!'" --Vernon Chapman
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"
"This is my mother."
/////////////////////////////////
"Second Grade Math"
I was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about groups. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a group of items according to their common characteristics.
Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a bundt cake, and ring cookies. The correct answer would have been that all the items have holes in the center.
But one health-conscious boy's response was, "All of those things contain too much cholesterol.
/////////////////////////////////Medical Definitions
ANTIBODY - against everyone
BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u
CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome
CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty
CHRONIC - neck of a crow
COMA - punctuation mark
CORTISONE - area around local courthouse
CYST - short for sister
DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose
DILATE - the late British princess
DISLOCATION - in this place
DUODENUM - couple in jeans
ENEMA - not a friend
FALSE LABOR - pretending to work
GALL BLADDER - bladder in a girl
GENES - blue denim
HERNIA - she is close by
HYMEN - greeting to several males
IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known
LABOR PAIN - hurt at work
LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot
LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss
LYMPH - walk unsteadily
MICROBES - small dressing gowns
OBESITY - city of Obe
PROTEIN - in favour of teens
PULSE - grain
PUS - small cat
RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
SECRETION - hiding anything
SERUM - sailors' drink
SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough
TABLET - small table
TUMOR - extra pair
ULTRASOUND - radical noise
/////////////////////////////////One Liner
"I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all."
/////////////////////////////////One Liner
"I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all."
/////////////////////////////////"Past Dreams of a Girl"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
She came tonight as I sat alone..
The girl I used to be....
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
The girl I used to be....
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?
And hopes I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And guided her up the stairs
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robes is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And precious they are to me;
That silken robes is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be.
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be.
~ Author unknown