I had an extended tour of duty in Okinawa in 1958 and was unable to bring my
wife and children with me. After I had been overseas eight months, I
received a letter from my seven-year-old son.
"Dear Dad," he wrote. "I guess Mom has told you we've got a new pop named
John."
I was relieved to learn he had made a spelling error. He was referring to
the recently named Pope John XXIII.
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Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to Little
Johnny. "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie."
"If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you thank
her for two pies?"
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Dear God; I have a problem. It's me.
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"Vendor Problem"
In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor. One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe nonlinear waterfowl issue."
Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"
The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."
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"Applause"
A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a movie theater and sat down, the handful of people there applauded. He thought to himself, "I can't believe it. People recognize me all the way up here."
Then a man came over to him and said, "Thanks for coming. They won't start the movie unless we have ten paying people or more."
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Oneliner
"My favorite party game is 'Pin the Cleanup on the Guests.'"
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CleanPun - "Three Chairs"
A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.
Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."
The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?"
"Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"