A preacher stayed with a farm couple on a Saturday night before preaching on Sunday. The wife got up early to cook a huge breakfast, and then called her husband and the preacher. The preacher came down but said, "I never eat before I preach."
The man and woman ate, and then the woman and the preacher went on to church. The man stayed home.
When the wife returned her husband asked how the sermon was.
"He could have et first..." the woman said.
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A man got up in the middle of the preacher's sermon and walked out. After services, his embarrassed wife sought to explain to the preacher.
"I hope you don't think he disagreed with what you said. He just has a tendency to walk in his sleep."
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The preacher was waxing eloquent at the funeral of a departed church member. He concluded by saying, "What we have here is just the shell. The nut has gone on."
I think that might have been an illustration that got out of hand.
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A bunch of "men of leisure" were sitting around a country store discussing the selection of a new pope, which was then in process. One old fellow listened for a while and then said, "Well, I think the Catholics have had it long enough. I hope a Baptist gets it this time."
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Two fishermen were out in a boat on a Sunday morning, not having too much luck. One of them got to thinking about what they were doing and said, "I feel bad being out here fishing when I ought to be in church."
"Yes, I know how you feel," the other said, "but I couldn't have gone anyway. My wife's sick."
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One man reported that his grandmother was so hooked on the TV soap operas that when one of the characters got sick, she'd stand up in church and ask for prayers for them...
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This preacher had delivered what he thought was a great sermon, and he was feeling good on the way home.
"How many great preachers do you think there are preaching today?" he asked his wife.
"One less than you think," she answered.
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From: a friend -- (it is only humor and I hope that you are not easily offended...) "Church Service"
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.?
He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach".
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind. The preacher shouted out, "Cross" !
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross".
The preacher hollered out "Grace". The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."
The preacher said, "Power". The congregation sang "There is Power in the Blood".
The Preacher said, "Sex". The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden from way in the back of the church a little 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing " Precious Memories."
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