New School Term
The start of the new school term always brings out the most
interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The
predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and
how to access the "Information Highway."
An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office
yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working. His attempts to
get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail.
He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him
where he obtained such an unusual mail address.
He replied, "The sign advertising the concert said, 'begins@7:30PM'."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Country Preacher
There's a story about the old country preacher who had a teenage son and it was getting time that the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey. Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up."
He analyzed the situation ...
If he picks up the Bible, I'll know he's gonna be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, I'll know he's gonna be a businessman and that would be okay too.
But if he picks up the bottle, I'll know he's gonna be a drunkard and, Lord, what a shame that would be."
The old man was anxious as he waited and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious look in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink as the old preacher looked on in horror ......
"Lord have mercy," the old man cried, "He's gonna be a Democrat politician!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Needing to shed a few pounds, my wife and I went on a diet
that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. We
followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished
recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific
and thought the diet was wonderful -- we never even felt
hungry!
But soon we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it.
Checking the recipes again, we found it. There, in fine
print, was: "Serves 6."