This is sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1977 : Long hair
2007 : Longing for hair
1977 : KEG
2007: EKG
1977 : Acid rock
2007 : Acid reflux
1977 : Moving to
2007 : Moving to
1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1977 : Seeds and stems
2007 : Roughage (ACTUALLY I THINK NOW IT'S REFERRED TO AS "FIBER"!)
1977 : Hoping for a BMW
2007: Hoping for a BM
1977 : Going to a new, hip joint
2007 : Receiving a new hip joint
1977 : Rolling Stones
2007: Kidney Stones
1977 : Screw the system
2007: Upgrade the system
1977 : Disco
2007: Costco
1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1977 : Passing the drivers' test
2007: Passing the vision test
1977 : Whatever
2007 : Depends
Just in case you we aren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1989.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering! machine
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane."
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading...
So have a nice day!!!!! It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
"Window Seats"
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Oneliner
"The worst thing about censorship is
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
"Sister Mary"
There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior.
One day she comes up with an idea: Since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up.
She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood.
Subsequently, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.
Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace.
Then Mother Superior comes in and yells, "Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!"
Sister Mary, crying, asks, "But Mother Superior, aren't you happy that the abbey is warm?"
To which the Mother Superior replies, "Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
”Yellow Pink and Green”
Mujibar was trying to get a job in
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, Except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."
The manager said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
"I married a younger man. Five years younger than I am. I
figure it like this: If you can't find a good man, raise
one." --Unknown
***
"I have a list I made when I was twelve of things I wanted
to do before I die. Omigod...how embarrassing. Number One:
Touch a boobie." --Drew Carey
***
"I have come to realize that we are all truly on our own.
Today, my wife yelled, 'What do you want from me? I made
you a bowl of cereal!'" --Paul Alexander
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area
51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their
"secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and
hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got
lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run
out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background
check on the pilot and held him overnight during the
investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his air-
plane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base"
briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on
his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force,
the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's
surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people
in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want
to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell
her where I was last night."