Ancient Telephone Networks
After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years
and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had
a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed,
English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly
after, headlines in the English newspapers read: "English
archaeologists have found traces of 200-year-old copper wire
and have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years
earlier than the Scots."
One week later, "The Kerrymen," a southwest Irish
newsletter, reported the following: "After digging as deep
as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a
self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely
nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago,
Ireland had already gone wireless."
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Weird News
Ugly lamps star of Kentucky State Fair
LOUISVILLE, Ky. (UPI) -- Lamps so ugly most people wouldn't dare dream to decorate their homes with them were the toast of the town at this year's Kentucky State Fair, organizers say. Patty Schnatter, who served as master of ceremonies for Lynn's Paradise Cafe's Ugly Lamp Contest at the fair Saturday, said contestants from various states produced lamps of unspeakable horrors in pursuit of first place, The (Louisville, Ky.) Courier-Journal reported. "We really have a good time with it. It's a blast," Schnatter said. "You never know what will come in." One lamp entered by Chris McQueen of Jeffersonville, Ind., featured a variety of holiday and celebratory themes and the participant said he was shocked his "hideous" entry fell short of a top spot. "I thought for sure we had it in the bag," McQueen said. "I mean, this thing is hideous." The Courier-Journal said the grand prize went to a lamp with an American eagle base and a shade made of old ties.
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War re-enactment all wet with squirt-guns
BOSTON (UPI) -- A group of young Bostonians recreated a Civil War battle with squirt-guns as part of an ongoing attempt to bring wackiness to the city, witnesses say. Witness Tamara Wexler said when she saw people dressed in the blue and gray uniforms of Civil War-era soldiers on a Boston esplanade, she was instantly intrigued, The Boston Globe reported. "I was just waiting for them to clash," the 37-year-old said of Saturday's event. "We couldn't leave until we saw it." Armed with trusty squirt-guns instead of rifles, the two forces eventually clashed for nearly 10 minutes of watery "carnage." The event was part of a series of public pranks by Banditos Misteriosos, a group of twenty-somethings that has been staging elaborate, yet ridiculous, escapades in Boston since forming last December. The Globe said the group once staged a pillow fight involving more than 50 people in the middle of downtown Boston.
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Rejected Scott works to be published
EDINBURGH, Scotland (UPI) -- A Scottish university press has resurrected Sir Walter Scott's last two works, written after he had three strokes and rejected for publication by his family. "The Siege of Malta" and the never completed "Bizarro" were written in 1831 and 1832 as Scott, racked by ill health, struggled to make money to pay his debts. His son-in-law and publisher decided after his death that they should not be made public, The Scotsman reports. John Buchan, the Scottish writer best known for "The Thirty-Nine Steps," read them while researching a Scott biography in the 1930s and agreed they should not be published. "It may be hoped that no literary resurrectionist will ever be guilty of the crime of giving them to the world," he said. The University of Edinburgh Press is publishing both books in a single volume. Editors have worked from Scott's manuscripts, now in the collection of the New York Public Library, struggling to correct spelling and grammar that had deteriorated because of the strokes. "The Siege of Malta" is a mixture of history and fiction about the defense of the island against Muslim invaders while "Bizarro" is the story of an Italian bandit.
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Mini-cows at home in British backyards
LONDON (UPI) -- Hundreds of families across Britain have begun raising miniature cattle in their backyards in light of rising food prices, farmers say. Sue Farrant, whose family has purchased four Dexter miniature cattle for their home in the county of Kent, says the animals offer a way for households to save money on food in the long run, The Sunday Times of London said. "With high food prices, they are actually quite an attractive option if you like producing your own food," Farrant said. "Both my husband and I have full-time jobs so we're keeping them on the side as an interest." Farrant says the small cows are renowned for the quality of their meat and the bovines are essentially care-free as long as they have grass on which to graze, the Times reported. "As long as you've got plenty of grass, they will be fine," she told the newspaper. "You don't really have to feed them." The cattle species was initially bred in Ireland during the 1800s and has been credited with being able to supply an entire household with milk for a year.
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Drive Fast
Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?
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Opposites Attract
Two bachelors were talking about their respective choice of life partner. One friend said,'It is generally said that people with opposite characteristics make the happiest marriages. What is your opinion ? The friend replied,'Yes, they are right. That is why I am looking for a girl with a money!'
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Purple Elephant
What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it? None. It just lets out a little wine.
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Handsome and Irresistible
A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" Totally flattered, he replied, "No, dear they haven't." At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"
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"I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept
locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on a 20-foot
extension ladder with a coathanger." -Steven Wright
***
"Some things just aren't funny. Beatings aren't funny. Mimes
aren't funny. But beating a mime - why is that so hilarious?"
-- Dave Attell
***
"There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million
monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually
come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to
the Internet, we now know this isn't true." --Ian Hart
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Real Signs and advertisements...
Signs In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but
their own graves."
On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is
impassable."
From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat
pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this
card, please tell a crew member."
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible
prices and workmanship."
On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."
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A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn't decide
whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceler-
ation, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration,
but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second
one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is chaep!