Godly One Liners 1. Give God what's right -- not what's left. 2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope. 3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing. 4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone. 5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period. 6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period. 7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a faith-lift. 8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty. 9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church. 10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us. 11. The church is prayer-conditioned. 12. When God ordains, He sustains. 13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning. 14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. 15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position. 16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible. 17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord. 18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive. 19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it. 20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back. 21. He who angers you, controls you. 22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop. 23. Give Satan an inch, and he'll be a ruler. 24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them--He'll clean them.. 25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
+++++++++++++++++++
Berle Marriages
In 1947 Milton Berle was one of the biggest names in comedy.
But as his career rose, his marriage failed, leading to a
divorce from his wife Joyce Mathews. Two years later, Berle
and Mathews got married for the second time. Why marry the
same woman all over again?
"Because," Berle explained to reporters, "she reminds me of
my first wife."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Personalized Plate"
While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my personalized license plate, I heard the clerk shout out, "E I E I O."
"I'm here," the woman standing next to me answered.
Curious, I asked if she was a farmer or maybe taught kindergarten.
"Neither," she replied. "My name is McDonald."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanQuote
"The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a bad one."- Sid Caesar
+++++++++++++++++++
"Successful Marriage" Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
+++++++++++++++++++
Bad GolferA golfer took his tee shot and watched the ball sail into the woods. His next shot went into a few trees. He tried again and managed to hit the ball over the fairway and into more trees. Finally, after several more shots, he ended up in a sand trap.Throughout his ordeal, he was under the watchful eye of the local golf pro."What club should I use on this shot?" he asked the pro."I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Doctor's Order
A guy says to the bartender, "A glass of your finest Less,
please."
"Less? Never heard of it."
"C'mon, sure you have."
"No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of
foreign beer?"
"I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I
should drink Less."