The Hokey Pokey (Shakespearean Style)
*The Hokey Pokey*
Original Lyrics
Put your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.
*The Hokey Pokey*
Shakespearean Style
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to marti -- Now, get your tongue in your cheek
and laugh...
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[???????]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
(He probably IS the battery charge)
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a
lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost
his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of
smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his
hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said,
handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the
hallway.''
''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Minnesota babes Jokes (more)
GEOGRAPHY
Two blondes living in Minnesota were sitting on a bench
talking........and one Minnesota babe says to the other:
"Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?
"The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida.......?????
CAR TROUBLE
A Minnesota babe pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Minnesota babe for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this Minnesota babe out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another Minnesota babe on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second Minnesota babe looks up the river then down the river and
shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the Minnesota babe behind
the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the Minnesota babe yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Minnesota babe were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Minnesota babe said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Minnesota babe replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're
going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A Minnesota babe was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE Minnesota babe JOKE TO END ALL Minnesota babe JOKES!
A girl was visiting her friend, who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The Minnesota babe responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex.
Her friend said "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLOOOOOO," answered the Minnesota babe. "They're watch dogs!"