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While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.
One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.
I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.
She said, "But you can't because you snore too much."
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As a member of the Marine Corps, I was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist. At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?"
"No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."
"There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"
"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "a divorce!"
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A quick thought before we begin .....
Ah, spring and the month of April. The chirping of birds, the fresh smell
of flowers, the sunny days ... and the time that taxes are due. Yes, it's
that time of year, when you put sum 5A into slot 6B, subtract the lesser of
12Z or 11Q from 10C, check the number of boxes entered and enter the number
of checkered boxes, and try to figure out of you weight more than last
year's tax return. I just did my taxes and when I was done I was happy to
see that I'm getting a refund ... look at the money the government is
giving to me ... until I thought, "Hey, it was MY money to begin with!"
With that in mind, the rest of the jokes this week fit into the "tax"
genre. -Tom
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GCF: Tax Forms, Short vs Long
The difference between the short tax form and long tax form is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.
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Navy Way
A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after he had completed boot camp,
he was invited to be in a friend's wedding. He asked an officer for a pass
and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.
"You don't understand, sir," my friend said. "I'm in the wedding."
The officer replied, "No, YOU don't understand. You're in the Navy."