********************************
Employee: I have been here 11 years doing three men's work for one man's pay. Now I want a raise.
Boss: Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other two men are, I'll fire them.
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Employee: I have been here 11 years doing three men's work for one man's pay. Now I want a raise.
Boss: Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other two men are, I'll fire them.
********************************
A new young bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all
just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket
for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the
directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a
frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska."
********************************
It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."
"Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."
"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."
"But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."
"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
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Gray Hair
When I discovered my first gray hair I immediately wrote to my parents:
"Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience
this with me too."
I taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it.
My father's response was in the form of a poem:
It's a trustworthy observation
That nothing can compare
In the process of aging
With finding the first gray hair.
He signed off with this observation:
"That gray hair you sent is not the first one you gave us!"
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Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
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Weight Watching
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things
from her wardrobe that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"