Local CrimeA thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment.A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
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In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial
sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological
observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational
communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified
comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency.
Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune
babblement, and asinine affectations.
Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiations have
intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical
bombast.
Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain
vapid verbosity.
In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."
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I was visiting a friend who couldn't find her cordless phone.
After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, "You know what
they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never
gets lost."
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"This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote
it." - Miss Piggy
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You Know You're a Tech Geek When...
- When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!" - When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD. - When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". - When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap". - When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor." - When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors. - When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
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Number 12
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "You're under 18," replies the barman.
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Two Trouble Makers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"