LIFE IN THE 1500'S ***
The next time you are washing your hands and complain
because the water temperature isn't just how you like
it, think about how things used to be . Here are some
facts about the1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took
their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty
good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so
brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body
odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet
when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice
clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the
women and finally the children. Last of all the
babies. By then the water was so dirty you c ould
actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't
throw the baby out with the Bath water..
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with
no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals
to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
(mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it
became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip
and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining
cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the
house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where
bugs and other droppings co uld mess up your nice
clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet
hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how
canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something
other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poo r. The
wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in
the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on
floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore
on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the
door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of
wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a
thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a
big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day
they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They
ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They
would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in
the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the
next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been
there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas
porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the
pot nine days old..
Sometim es they could obtain pork, which made them
feel quite specia l. When visitors came over, they
would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign
of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They
would cut off a little to share with guests and would
all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with
high acid content caused some of the lead to leach
onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This
happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400
years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided acc ording to status. Workers got
the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the
middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The
combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for
a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would
take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They
were laid out on the kitchen table for a cou ple of
days and the family would gather around and eat and
drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence
the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started
running out of places to bury people. So they would
dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these
coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have
scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had
been burying people alive. So they would tie a string
on the wrist of the corpse, lea d it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all
night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell;
thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was
considered a ... dead ringer..
And that's the truth. Now, whoever said History was
boring ! ! !
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In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you. It makes you look
ten years younger."
"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to
put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
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On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse
with him to add to the starting lineup. The coach asks, "What the heck did
you bring that horse here for?"
The scout replies, "Wait until you see him bat."
All the players are laughing, until the horse comes to bat. At this point,
the horse grabs the bat and everyone quiets down. They stare at the horse.
The pitcher, just shrugs his shoulders, and throws the ball toward home
plate, when astonishingly, the horse hits the ball deep into the outfield.
The horse just stands there and does not move. The manager then yells at the
baseball scout to tell the horse to run to first base.
The scout looks back at the manager and yells back, "If he could run, he'd
be at Belmont!"
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"What's the use of having ignorance if you can't show it?" - Lou Costello
+++++++++++++++++++
Lost MoneyThe receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She sent the following email: "If anybody can say where they lost $70, please let me know and it will be returned to you."Within minutes one employee emailed back, "Kentucky Derby, 2001."
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Finding perfect men
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"