Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Today's hUMOR

Old Home

We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two
elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was
concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they
could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband
confidently declared.

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero,
and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My
husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the
house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to
Florida for the winter."
"Future Price of Roses"
The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.
When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life.
The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife."
The young man bought a dozen roses.
"Urgent Code 33"
It was April 1st, and in a small midwestern town, two rookie policemen were patrolling the downtown business area. They decided to stop into the local coffee shop for a coffee and a donut. The time was 11:55 AM.
Three minutes later, they got a call on their police radio: "Code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."
Well, there was only one bank in town, in fact, it was just across from the coffee shop. A code 33 was an "armed robbery" but it was also just 11:58 AM and the two rookies decided it was the dispatcher playing a joke on them just before lunch. So they continued enjoying their coffee break.
At 12:01 PM, they got a second call on their radio, "Repeat, Urgent, code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."
Realizing it was past noon and the dispatcher sounded frantic, they rushed across the street -- but arrived 30 seconds after the banana split.
One Liner
I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be. ~ Spike Donner from Ruminations
"Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it."
~ C. S. Lewis
Child Leashes"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
While watching my grandson's baseball game, I saw a young mother with her toddler on one of those child leashes.
She was talking with another mom about an incident that happened earlier that morning.
Her little chihuahua was sick, and she had raised people's eyes as she walked into the vet's office with her dog in her arms and her child on a leash.
All I could think was, "What's wrong with this picture!"