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A Blonde Joke
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left
ankle and screams, then she pushes her elbow and
screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and
screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, “You're not really a redhead, are
you?”
“Well, no…” she says, “I'm actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor says. “Your finger is
broken.”
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The service area was located on a main highway leading to the beach. The pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to tank up. When a rusty old van containing a very tired looking couple and six screaming children pulled into his station, the attendant tried small talk to cheer the occupants.
"Hope you had a good day at the beach! Nice looking kids there. Are they all yours or is this a picnic?"
Wearily, the driver replied, "Yes they are all mine and it's NO picnic!"
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At his first service, the new preachers sermon was extremely long and dull. As he preached, he drank from pitcher of water until it was completely gone.
After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?"
"Fine," she said, "but he's the first windmill I ever saw that was run by water."
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An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has."
They walked on a bit further and then came to another grave. The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to hell, he has."
The little boy thought for a while and then said, "You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky."
"Why?" asked the old man in surprise.
"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money to draw on."
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It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to spell their name out loud. When she came to a young boy and asked his name, the boy replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee" he replied.
"How do you spell that? asked the teacher.
"My mother helps me" said the little boy.