afzbzvoxSinging Cats
Nothing says "Merry" more than cat's singing Christmas songs! OK, not really but I just needed a way to warn you that this FunLink features cats singing.
Some of you love cats and the idea of of a feline singing along to Jingle Bells or White Christmas thrills you to no end.
Others of you would rather have your teeth cleaned with a wood file and should really just send the address of this page to your friends who owe you money. I'll see if I can find you some dogs singing and bringing down the "woof".
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< ”Christmas vs Chanukah” Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25.Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida). Christmas is a major holiday.Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos...Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the bookshelf. There is only one way to spell Christmas.No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannuka. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boy friends. Their partners expect special gifts.Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah. Christmas brings enormous electric bills.Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the global warming crisis. Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful.....Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the horah. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully? A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods.A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies.Women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages. Parents deliver to their children during Christmas.Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift any of the eight nights. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus.The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah, Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized.The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. Better stick with Chanukah ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< "The 12 Politically Correct Days of Christmas" On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my potential acquaintance gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming. ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18 member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...) TEN melanin-deprived, testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands, SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen, nonhuman animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.) FOUR hours of recorded whale songs, THREE deconstructionist poets, TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled, processed tree carcasses, and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree. ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< "Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space." -Dave Barry *** "Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer. Who'd have ever guessed that product con- sumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?" -Calvin & Hobbes ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><