Monday, July 24, 2006

hUMOR For July 24th

TRIVIA: What baseball feat was Sal Durante famous for
in 1961?

Ed Howe has this bit of practical advice: "If
you want to know how old a woman is, ask her
sister-in-law." Anyway...
**********ANSWER AT END OF TODAY’S hUMOR
++++++++++++++++++
In 1952 I was in the Army and just arrived in Frankfurt,Germany. I had no money and asked about getting some. I found out that it was easy to get to a pawn shop by calling a taxi.
I got a taxi (that was an experience in itself) went to a pawn shop and pawned my watch. I wrote down the street name and number so I could get back.
On payday I called a cab again to get my watch. I gave the driver the street and number as 2245 Eienbanstrausa and he burst out laughing.
Eienbanstrausa means "One Way Street".
++++++++++++++++++
The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn on
the Bible that you will tell the truth?"

"I do."

"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"

"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."
++++++++++++++++++
Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then,
another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse
me, but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies," If you just go down the stream until the water
isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."

They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to
the other "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."

He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." 30
minutes later, he asks him to check again.

"Nope, still salty." One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."

"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for
almost two hours and the water is still salty!"

"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!
++++++++++++++++++
My friend's 5 year old granddaughter looked at the stars one night and
exclaimed, "God's home! All his lights are on!"
++++++++++++++++++
Thanks to Marti -- Liquid Gold

Few foods have a foundation in History that olive oil
has. Homer called it liquid Gold.Greek athletes rubbed
it on their bodies.It was used as Medicine,food,and
cosmetic. Olive branches are still emblems of peace.

Today,the venerated Olive is playing a major role in
the area of health.Until recently it was valued
primarily for it's monounsaturated fat,which makes
blood cholesterol and pressure go down.Olive oil
strengthens omega-3 fatty acid's anti-inflammatory
effects.New research reported by the American
Institute for Cancer Research shows that many of olive
oil's health benefits also come from the more than 30
plant compounds it contains.Its antioxidants and
anti-inflammatory promote heart health.

Additionally, olive oil contains compounds that
increase enzymes which block development of cancer
cells, and increase their rate of self destruction.

All types of olive oil provide monounsaturated fat,but
to get the highest levels of protective plant
compounds, extra virgin or virgin oil are the best.

Light olive and pure olive oil are lighter in flavor
and color but not in fat or calorie content,They have
fewer phytochemicals and fewer of protective
qualities. Extra virgin or virgin have more. To keep
olive oil fresh and its protective compounds
intact,store it in refrigerator or a dark,cool place.

Use it it is healthy
++++++++++++++++++
Cell Phone vs Bible

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible
like we treat our cell phones?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn�t live
without it?

What if we gave it to our kids as gifts?

What if we used it as we traveled?

What if we used it in case of an emergency?

What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?

This is something to make you go...hmm...where is my
Bible?

anon.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Thanks to CRJ: Grandpa Johnson.....

All last year Grandpa and Grandma Johnson had been
receiving $500 checks in the mail every month and
cashing them.

It turns out the insurance company made a mistake with
the address; the checks were intended for another
Edwin P. Johnson.

Grandpa then received a notice that he had to pay back
$6,000.

Visibly upset, he complained to his grandson, an
accountant.

His grandson asked: "Grandpa, didn't you wonder why
you were receiving checks for doing absolutely
nothing?"

Grandpa answered: "No...I just figured the Democrats
were back in power."
++++++++++++++++++
ANSWER: He is the baseball fan who caught Roger
Maris' record breaking 61st home run ball.