Weird News
Man, 89, completes first skydive
Howard Hanson jumped with his son, Dale, and grandson, Michael, at an altitude of 13,000 feet -- after a day of training at
He said got the bug after Dale Hanson made his fist jump last year.
"When you're sailing, just floating before the parachute opens, that's the wonderful part of it," Howard Hanson said.
Dale Hanson shot the grand event with a helmet camera.
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Fake landlord rented out home
SILVER SPRINGS SHORES, Fla. (UPI) -- A Florida man says he discovered he was making payments for several months to a man who rented him a home the purported landlord did not own.
Carl Kopsho of Silver Springs Shores said he began paying $800 per month to the man who rented him the home in February, only to be told by Marion County Sheriff's deputies Wednesday the man did not own the house, the Ocala (Fla.) Star-Banner reported.
Kopsho said he met the man, who used the name Tyrone Grain, at a gas station in January while talking to a friend about his search for a new home. He said Grain told him he was in the process of a divorce and was seeking to rent out the house.
However, the house actually belongs to Sebastian Wagner, a man who lives in
Authorities have yet to track down Grain, who Kopsho said had only accepted his rent payments in cash.
Kopsho said he is hoping Wagner will allow him to continue to rent the home, as he has already painted the walls and made plans to install new cabinets.
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Taking Down the Flag
My husband was serving his last few years of military
service on active duty with an Army reserve unit. There were
three branches of military reserve units at our last duty
station. During one month, my husband and his buddy were
assigned to take down the flag at the end of the day, which
is a very formal affair to watch.
One day my husband and his buddy marched solemnly out to the
flag pole and saluted the flag. Then his buddy begin to haul
the flag down. After a minute of this and not seeing a flag
come down, they both looked up.
The flag had already been taken down.
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The Voice
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"
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A Plausible Explanation
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
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Ten Years Without Parole
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.
His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the heck have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."
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Lessons in Life
DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk.
SON - What's up, Dad?
DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.
DAD - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?
SON - Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
DAD - But your sister has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?
SON - Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.
DAD - Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?
SON - Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.
DAD - So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?
SON - No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.
DAD - But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?
SON - Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.
DAD - So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?
SON - No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?" From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car... the mailbox did... I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.
DAD - Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?
SON - From The President of the
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"I had a good weekend. Guillermo and Uncle Frank came over
and I smoked a roast in my smoker. I smoked it for 12 hours.
Fifteen pounds of roast, 15 guys there, one three pound dog,
and not one scrap left. We ate the dog, too, when we were
finished." -Jimmy Kimmel
***
"This is a great opportunity to let the audience into my
private world. You guys don't know who the real guy is. So
I'm going to give you some fun facts right now. I'm 6 foot
4. I weigh 178 pounds. For an hour after I was born, doctors
thought that I was a baby girl. The light was very good; I
still don't understand." -Conan O'Brien
***
"This year, the Immigration and Naturalization Service has
raised their fee to become a
$700. You know how much the Immigration and Naturalization
Service expects to make this year from people becoming
citizens? Over $1,400." -Jay Leno
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A friend and his wife were considering traveling to
for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He
kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log
cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog
team instead of a car.
"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civil-
ization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife.
She replied, "You."
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My son is the manager of a glass and window company and ad-
vertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good
glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who
called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.
"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.
The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."