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First a serious note:
Dirt Roads
What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved. There's not a problem in America today; crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency... that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character. People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride. That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it's worth it, if at the end there is a home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog. We wouldn't have nearly as much trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along. There was less crime in our streets before they were paved. Criminals didn't walk two dusty miles to rob or rape if they knew they'd be welcomed by five barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun. And there were no drive by shootings. Our values were better when our roads were worse! People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn't tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust & bust your windshield with rocks. Dirt Roads taught patience. Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly, you didn't hop in your car for a quart of milk; you walked to the barn for your milk. For your mail, you walked to the mail box. What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, because then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody. At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap. Most paved roads lead to trouble, Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole. At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn't some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini. At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you'd have to hitch up a team and pull them out. Usually you got a dollar...always you got a new friend... at the end of a Dirt Road.
-Paul Harvey
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Satisfaction
Q. Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six
children?
A. The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more.
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Le Steak
A man and his wife are seated in a fancy French
restaurant for dinner. After the waiter arrives the
man says: "I'll have your biggest, thickest
Porterhouse steak."
The waiter replies: "Monsieur.....what about ze mad
cow?"
The man replies: "She'll have a salad."
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Ten
Little Christians
Ten Little Christians came to church all the time;
One fell out with the preacher, then there were nine.
Nine Little Christians stayed up late;
One overslept on Sunday, then there were eight.
Eight Little Christians on their way to Heaven;
One took the low road, then there were seven.
Seven Little Christians, chirping like chicks;
One didn't like the singing, then there were six.
Six Little Christians seemed very much alive;
One took a vacation, then there were five.
Five Little Christians pulling for Heaven's shore;
One stopped to take a rest, then there were four.
Four Little Christians each as busy as a bee;
One had his feelings hurt, then there were three.
Three Little Christians couldn't decide what to do;
One couldn't have his way, then there were two.
Two Little Christians each won one more;
Now don't you see, two plus two equals four.
Four Little Christians worked early and late;
Each brought one, now there were eight.
Eight Little Christians if they double as before;
In just seven Sundays, we have one thousand twenty
four.
In this jingle there is a lesson true;
You belong either to the building, or to the wrecking
crew.
~Author Unknown
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Nearing the parish church during his daily walk, a young man saw that some shubbery was on fire. He banged on the rectory door and told the woman who opened it she'd better call the fire department. She ran to the phone, and he heard her place the call. She identified herself, gave the location, and explained the situation.
"You mean to tell me," said the emergency dispatcher, "that there's a burning bush on the church lawn, and you want us to put it out?!?"
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THE "FORWARDER'S" 12 STEP PROGRAM
Sometimes friends have to tell you things you might not like
to hear, but need to. GCFL is that kind of friend. Everyone
say it with me...
1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my
mailing lists if I DON'T forward an e-mail!
2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do
forward an e-mail.
3) Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money. Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.
4) Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
5) I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or
freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.
6) I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail!
(If you do, you have a virus or trojan.)
7) There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program and
I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me
$100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!
8) There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish
program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS!
9) The government does not have a bill in Congress called
901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
10) There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
11) The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to
certain individuals dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
12) And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into
forwarding at email by telling me if I don't I am not their friend or that I'm a bad person.
Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized,
and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the
next full moon or you will gain twenty pounds in the next
three months! (No, not really! If you believe that last statement, go back and read this message again!)