Hair Cut
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn't get it all cut.
++++++++++++++++++
"Parts Search"
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding."
One guy just laughed.
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."
++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
I hope that after I die, people will say of me, "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."
++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Two Keys"
Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage.
Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."
++++++++++++++++++
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of
pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde
seems to have a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman
then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very
small - what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they
are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not
need curtains!"
The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"