Abracadabbler: an amateur magician.
Badaptation: a bad movie version of a good book.
Carbage: the trash found in your automobile.
Dadicated: being the best father you can be.
Ecrastinate: checking your e-mail just one more time.
Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes
along.
Gabberflasted: the state of being speechless due to someone
else talking too much.
Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time.
Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.
Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer
exists.
Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.
Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.
Mandals: sandals for men.
Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving
directions in an overly critical manner.
Obliment: an obligatory compliment.
Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty
person.
Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.
Ramdumbtious: a rowdy, energetic person who's not too
bright.
Sanktuary: a graveyard for ships.
Testimoney: fees paid to expert witnesses.
Unbrella: an umbrella that the wind has turned inside-out.
Vehiculized: you own a vehicle.
Wackajacky: very messed up.
Xerocks: two identical pieces of stone.
Yawnese: the language of someone trying to speak while
yawning.
Zingle: a single person with a lot of pep in his or her
step.
+++++++++++++++++++
"My girlfriend is not a ball and chain. She's more of a spring-loaded
trap." - Kevin Hench
+++++++++++++++++++
Math Zero MagicMath Magic with 9 numbers...
1. Pick a secret number from 1 to 9.2. Multiply that number by 9.3. Multiply that number by 123,456,789.The answer will be your new secret number, repeated in a row with one stray 0 thrown in!Example: If your first number is 8, multiply it by 9 (8 x 9 = 72).Now multiply 72 by 123,456,789... you will get: 8,888,888,808.
Amazing, eh!
+++++++++++++++++++
Housework-Challenged HusbandSome men are one shirt short of a full load...
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”He yelled back, “Queen's University.”And they say blondes are dubm...
+++++++++++++++++++
"Knee Tattoo"
A hospital corpsman and I were getting an elderly retired master chief petty officer out of his wheelchair, when I noticed the man had a tattoo on his knee.
"What's that?" I asked, unable to make out the design.
"It's a banjo," he said sheepishly. "I'm from Alabama."
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible." - George Burns
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Ghost Marriage"
I once knew a woman wanted to marry a ghost.
I don't know what possessed her!
+++++++++++++++++++
”Alimony Decision”
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."