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* For every complex problem there is an answer that isclear, simple, and wrong. (H L Mencken)* Every decision you make is a mistake. (Edward Dahlberg)* Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue tofail in good spirits. (Robert Louis Stephenson)* Only one thing is certain - that is, nothing is certain.If this statement is true, it is also false. (AncientParadox)* Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over ifyou just sit there. (Will Rogers)* There is nothing more requisite in business than dispatch.(Joseph Addison)* There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.(Goethe)* A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.(Oliver Wendell Holmes)* Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probablythe reason why so few engage in it. (Henry Ford)* If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn'tthinking. (George Patton)* Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admiretheir astuteness. (Cullen Hightower)* Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory.Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. (SunTzu)* Planning without action is futile; action without planningis fatal. (Unknown)* The general who wins the battle makes many calculations inhis temple before the battle is fought. The general wholoses makes but few calculations beforehand. (Sun Tzu)* Confidence is what you feel before you comprehend thesituation. (Proverb)* A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than anyinvention in human history - with the possible exceptions ofhandguns and tequila. (Mitch Ratliffe)
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Marrying Young
My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games."
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Here is today's Oneliner.
"I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasparov - Our table had a check tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass me the salt."
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Here is today's CleanPun. - Racetrack
A racetrack is a place where the windows clean the people.
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Here is a recipe for the pizza lovers among us -- CHEESE PIZZA1 can (8 ounces) tomato 1 cup shredded Mozzarellasauce cheese1/4 cup chopped onion 1/2 cup sliced stuffed olives1 teaspoon garlic salt 1 can (6 ounces)1/2 teaspoon oregano mushrooms12-inch pizza crust, 1/2 cup grated Parmesanunbaked cheeseCombine tomato sauce, onion, garlic salt and oregano.Spread over unbaked pizza crust. Cover sauce withMozzarella. Sprinkle olives and mushrooms over top;cover with Parmesan. Bake in 425° F. oven for 20 to 30minutes or until crust is light brown and cheeses aremelted. Yield: 6 servings.Variations: Add pickled banana peppers, brownedItaliansausage, salami bits or thin slices of pepperoni.
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If you get an itch To learn dermatology You must start from scratch (Gary Hallock)
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A hapless young man from Kilbryde Fell into an outhouse and died His heartbroken brother Fell into another And now they're interred side by side.
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Thanks to MAK: There is chaos all around, but youknow Me, says the Lord. And, you trust in Me. Glorious light emanates from your celebration, and thepeoples of the world will see and be drawn to yourlight. You, My people, will go forth without fear oranxiety. You will rejoice in the goodness of the Lordbecause you know in Whom you have believed. Throughthis journey you have been persuaded that you cantrust Me and have committed all things to Me.
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"Here's a poem about underwater transportation,"announced Tom, subversively."A bicycle wheel and wagon wheel have something incommon," spoke Tom.The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get theTen Commandments.
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Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke ordrink. (Allen Morris)
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If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does MyMailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
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Thanks to MAK: One Room to Another"Death is no more than passing from one room intoanother. But there's a difference for me, you know.Because in that other room I shall be able to see."~Helen Keller~ (both blind and deaf from an infant)Mary Alice
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Thanks to LBS: Jim & EdnaJim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.One day while they were walking past the hospitalswimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to thebottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head NurseDirector became aware of Edna's heroic act sheimmediately ordered her to be discharged from thehospital, as she now considered her to be mentallystable. When she went to tell Edna the news shesaid,"Edna,I have good news and bad news.The good newsis you're being discharged; since you were able torationally respond to a crisis by jumping in andsaving the life of another patient, I have concludedthat your act displays sound mindedness. "The badnews is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself inthe bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after yousaved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Ednareplied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there todry. How soon can I go home?"ssrdo