Proposal
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
hUMOR For Oct. 28th
Proposal
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
hUMOR For Oct. 28th
Proposal
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
hUMOR For Oct. 28th
Proposal
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered.
"Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant
exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say
'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not
recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember
as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As
he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you
would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Lost Baggage"
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."
+++++++++++++++++++
CleanPun - "Poet"
A backward poet writes inverse.
+++++++++++++++++++
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
+++++++++++++++++++
Halloween Kiss
Cabbie speaks nun–sense…
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I'm single and Catholic!”
“OK," the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child," said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.”
The nun says, “That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.”
+++++++++++++++++++
Children's Science Exam Answers
Do you flirt with your water supply?
Have you got intercontinental bowels?
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
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