Letter From A Farm Kid
Letter from a farm kid, now at Paris Island Marine Corps recruit depot:
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 am, but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Gail
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Here is today's Oneliner.
"You know it's going to be a bad day when YOUR picture is on the milk carton."
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Battle Re-enactment
Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the re-enactment of a Civil War battle, my niece's husband took the boy, Will, to the event but the poor child was terrified by the booming cannons. During a lull, Will's dad finally got him calmed down.
That's when the Confederate general hollered, "Fire at will!"
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A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random.
When the phone is answered he asks,"Can I speak to Roger, please?""No! There's no one called Roger here."The person hangs up."That's irritation," says Dad.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Roger a second time."No, there's no one here called Roger.Go away. Don't call again.""That's aggravation," says Dad.
"Then what's 'frustration'?" asks his son.
The father picks up the phone and dials a third time:"Hello, this is Roger. Have I received any phone calls?"
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recious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
~ It is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
~ Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
~ Amazing Grace, Considering My Age
~ Just a Slower Walk with Thee
~ Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One
~ Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
~ Give Me That Old Timers' Religion
~ Blessed Insurance
~ Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah, I've Forgotten Where I Parked
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THE EYE-OPENER
As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped
you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words,
asking my opinion or thanking me for something good
that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed
you
were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to
wear.
When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew
there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say
hello, but you were to busy. At one point you had to
wait, fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in
a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought
you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and
called a friend to get the latest gossip instead. I
watched patiently all day long.
With all your activities I guess you were too busy to
say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you
looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to
me, that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced
three or four tables over and you noticed some of your
friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you
didn't. That's okay.
There is still more time left, and I hope that you
will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if
you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were
done, you turned on the TV. I don't know if you like
TV or not, just about anything goes there and you
spend a lot of time each day in front of it not
thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I
waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate
your meal, but again you didn't talk to me.
Bedtime--I guess you felt too tired. After you said
goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell
asleep in no time. That's okay because you may not
realize that I am always there for you. I've got
patience, more than you will ever know. I even want to
teach you how to be patient with others as well.
I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod,
prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart. It
is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
Well, you are getting up once again. And once again I
will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that
today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day! Your friend, GOD
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Atheist's Prayer
As an atheist walked through the forest, he smiled at
the beauty that was all around him and said, "What
natural wonders the powers of evolution have created."
Just then he heard a rustling near the river. He went
to investigate and a 7-foot-tall grizzly bear was
tearing down the path towards him him. The man took
off like a shot, and when he got up the courage to
look back, he saw the bear was catching up fast.
He tried with all his strength to pick up the pace,
but he tripped and crashed to the ground. As he tried
to get up, the bear jumped on his chest and picked up
one paw to whack him.
The atheist screamed, "Oh my God!!!"
Time stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice boomed
from the heavens, "You deny my existence for all of
these years, teach others I don't exist, and even
credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me
to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you
as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would
be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me
as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the
bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out, the river ran again, and the
sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear
dropped its right paw, brought both paws together,
bowed its head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am
truly thankful."