mshlrheWeird News
'Darth Vader' spared jail after attack
HOLYHEAD, Wales (UPI) -- A Welsh judge has spared a man who dressed as "Star Wars" villain Darth Vader and attacked two fans of the iconic film series a stay in jail.
Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, was sentenced to two months in jail, suspended for a year, after his lawyer told the court he is an alcoholic who does not remember the incident and is undergoing treatment for his addiction, Sky News reported.
Hughes donned a black cape and a black trash bag before attacking Barney Jones, founder of the first British Jedi church, and his cousin while they were filming themselves battling with lightsabers in Jones' yard. Hughes struck Jones with a metal crutch and punched the other man in the thigh.
The defendant's lawyer, Frances Jones, told the court his client had no recollection of the incident because of his alcohol addiction.
"He is very sorry for coming before the courts," the lawyer said. "He knows his behavior was wrong and didn't want it to happen but he has no recollection of it."
Hughes was also ordered to pay $200 to each of his victims.
///
Farmer: Vandals spray-painted goats
Evan Bellin said the crime, which took place during the weekend, could set him back hundreds of dollars as the goats' wool is used to make cashmere and the paint could take months to grow out, WPXI-TV,
"It's really bad to think they would do that to innocent animals. I mean if they have a problem with me, to come to me. I mean, I have all of my vehicles up here and they didn't touch anything," Bellin said.
He said he plans to keep the goats closer to his house for the foreseeable future.
///
Beetles found in package from Taiwan
MOHNTON, Pa. (UPI) -- Postal officials in
The officials said 26 insects -- including Hercules, Rhinoceros and Goliath beetles -- were found in smaller containers within the package, which was shipped from
The package had been labeled "toys, gifts and jellies."
"The specimens were some oft the largest of their kind, and some of the largest I've ever seen, averaging five to six inches in diameter," said John Plummer, an agriculture specialist with U.S. Customs and Border Protection. "They are highly destructive insect pests that can cause extensive damage to fruit and vegetable crops, trees, shrubs and turf grasses."
The intended recipient of the package told authorities he is a wildlife photographer and needed the specimens for staged photos. He denied any involvement in illegal beetle breeding.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
No Help
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it will." he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Donations
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor he was going to give him a lot of money when he grew up.
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "But why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had!"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Men Can Never Win
- If you work too hard, you re not spending enough time with her. If you don't work hard enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
- If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
- If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
- If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
- If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.
- If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
- If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.
- If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you re a slob.
- If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
- If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Gone Golfing
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."
Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"
Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"In
the bathroom at a Taco Bell. The Taco Bell's owner is
calling it the second worst bathroom accident that day."
-Conan O'Brien
***
"It's Pierce Brosnan's birthday. It's also Janet Jackson's
birthday. Both are very different. One is an aging diva
who's got the moves, and the other is Janet Jackson."
-Craig Ferguson
***
"NASA has developed a device that can turn an astronaut's
urine into drinking water. Is there something wrong with
that?" -Jimmy Kimmel
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit
a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was
offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees
went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked,
"What are you doing?"
"I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered.
Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow!
You know how to make beer?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told
me he was really something special.'
Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him.
The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing
like a bird.'
Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish
because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'
Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'
Jimmy: 'Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach
a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a
parrot fish.'
Mike: 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish
CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's
driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of
One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask him for a
ride. He tells them he has no room in the Trailer as he is carrying 20,000
bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit
into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver
shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts
the hammer down and sure enough, a blonde cop pulls him over for speeding.
The lady officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly
replies 'Mexican eggs.' The Blonde Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so
wants to take a look in the trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts
it and locks it. She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as
many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.
The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that require so many officers.
'I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle.'