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Anniversary Gift
For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their
teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.
When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was
beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note
that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with
friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose,"
the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."
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People here in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls"
and "shall nots" in the Ten Commandments.
Folks here just aren't used to talking in those terms. So,
some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:
The Cowboy's Ten Commandments
(posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie,
Texas)
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin.'
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
Y'all have a good day.
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"The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word
'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the
other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the
danger - but recognize the opportunity."
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College Cure
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.
One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"
"Two days ago."
"Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an
engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"
"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."
"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"
"He's taking every penny I make."
"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"
"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."
"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"
"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him."