Weird News
Burglary suspect stuck in restaurant vent
Rana Escamilla, owner of the Mandarin restaurant in
"He was coming down right (over the grill)," Escamilla said. "He would have skittled right onto the grill and into the oil. So, basically, we saved his life by calling the police to get him out.
"He was in pain. He was hurting and he was trapped. That's a really small opening."
Hammond, who was charged with burglary, told police he fell into the vent after having an argument with his wife.
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'Suspicious' ferry riders ID'd as tourists
SEATTLE (UPI) -- After a long hunt for two men who allegedly acted in a suspicious manner on a ferry in
The men, described only as European business consultants who live in a country in the European Union, came to a
Ferry employees photographed the men last July because they seemed to be taking a close interest in the workings of the ferry. The FBI released those photos to the news media in August, although some newspapers chose not to publish them.
Laura Laughlin, special agent in charge of the FBI in
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Orange turtle blamed on workers
Neighbors in the
Residents blamed the painting on construction workers at the development.
Meredith Chesney, a resident of the building next to the development, said the turtle is believed to have wandered into the construction site through a hole in the fence. She and others said the painting of the turtle was only the latest in a string of problems springing from the development.
"It's like
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Proud Grandmother
An elderly, wealthy woman in
beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two
remarkable grandchildren.
Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather
interrupted her.
"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"
The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The
doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."
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Dead Rabbit
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
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Men and Women
- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.
- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
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Beautiful Girl
Wife: Yesterday I saw a very beautiful girl.
Husband: Then what happened?
Wife: I just kept on admiring her, on and on..
Husband (gets irritated): WHAT happened then?
Wife smiled and said: I moved away from the mirror!
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"In
Today she was seen drinking beer with construction workers
and hooting at chicks." -Dave Letterman
***
"This Sunday is Mother's Day. Now if you haven't gotten your
mom a gift yet, you can't go wrong with a gallon of gasoline.
It's a little pricey, but hey, you only have one mom."
-Jay Leno
***
"In
spend Mother's Day with her kids. Her kids are thrilled
because they've never been to a nightclub." -Conan O'Brien
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After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz,
our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the
manager, Ahmed.
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who
answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying,
'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
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A
and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly
Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.
The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk:
"Quick...get me a translator."
Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his
name is, how old is he and where does he come from?"
The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein
namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"
The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect
English with a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir
Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I've come
from
The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr
is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt,
und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun