The Basics of Islam........... Allah is a "Moon god" nothing more!!!
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Computers are superior to man. You never see one making a fool of himself at
the office Christmas party.
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Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a
Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a
few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the
other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I
don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
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"Shopping Remote"
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the worst thing I could do to him legally.
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Oneliner
"Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined. "
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CleanPun - "Dog Pride"
My eccentric neighbor proudly showed me what appeared to be a dog. "It's unique," he explained, "part dog and part bull and it cost me a thousand."
"Which part is bull?" I asked.
He replied, "The part about the thousand."
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A Christmas treat appears below for faithful X – Files fans.
Vern
X – Files Christmas
We're too late! It's already been here. Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.
Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted,
transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the
chimney, with care.
You really think someone's been here?
Someone ... or something.
Mulder, over here it's a fruitcake.
Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice."
It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
Who? What are you talking about?
Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity that could travel at great speed
in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice,
this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers with gifts
and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite. But that's legend, Mulder
a story told by parents to frighten children.
Surely you don't believe it?
Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread
man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive and in a hurry.
It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely
drained.
It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
Appeasement! Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding about the land.
But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked.
There's no sign of forced entry.
Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on the roof and
came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing
could get down there.
But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once as with a
shape-shifter?
You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was
visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of fur surrounding its
ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the
horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial
features of my father.
Impossible.
I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato
Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head! I'm sorry, Mulder, but
you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some
supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls
and boys. Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If
this gets out, they'll close the X files.
Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake.
But we have no proof.
Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace
over twenty seven states. The White House ordered a Condition Red.
But that was a meteor shower.
Officially, that was their story. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer
vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody not even the
zookeeper was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know about
Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will
stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets
will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives.
There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent
night.
Mulder, I
Sh h h. Do you hear what I hear?
Up on the roof. It … it sounds like ... a clatter.
The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.