As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.   He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss.  His note read, "Failed in securing client, prepare the boss." He received the following fax from his secretary:  "The boss is prepared... prepare yourself." 

*Advertising Terms Explained* NEW - Different color from previous design. ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. EXCLUSIVE - Imported product. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it. IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming. FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit. FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does. REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope. DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work. BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it. MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix. MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours. SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything! HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it. 

Class Reunion

Class Reunion
One former classmate of mine had filled out his classmates.com profile form
with this information:
Marital Status: Not Good
Wife's Name: Plaintiff