Today's hUMOR

"Speech Flirt"

During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches.

During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Excited, I wrote down my phone number.

Looking startled for a moment, he flipped the napkin over and drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner.

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Plumber's Sign

Seen on a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed. - Don't sleep with a drip."

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One Liner

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton

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CleanQuote

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty." - Mark Twain

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"Frantic Writing"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically.

I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about writing a will.

He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite!"

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Intercom Repair

My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school.

One night while he was manning the drive-thru, a customer told him
that the Intercom wasn't working properly. My friend's son went about
filling the order while a female co-worker fiddled with the intercom.

She asked, "Is that okay now?"

"Well, no," the customer replied. "Now you sound like a girl."