Contacting the IT Help Desk
[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a
life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error
messages from here.
3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee.
That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing
for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's
keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get
into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete
it at once. We're just testing.
6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up
and flags it as a rush delivery.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
electronics in it.
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
support from work. We can fix your telephone line from here.
10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call
computer support. We're collectors.
11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.
person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of
the problem. We love a puzzle.
12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have
cartridges in them, be sure to argue. We love a good argument.
13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply
in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
shortly?" That motivates us.
14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job
to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
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CleanQuote
"I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details."
- Albert Einstein
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"Honesty"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
It was a full auditorium. Halfway through the author's talk,she began to feel sick. In a calm voice, she announced that she had left a few pages of her speech offstage, in her bag.
She walked off slowly and, as soon as she was out of sight, ran to the bathroom where she immediately threw up.
She was just about finished when someone came into the bathroom to tell her that her lapel mike was still on.
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Job Application
Last employer: U.S. Army
Job title: Sergeant
Job duties: Fighting
Location: Iraq
Reason for leaving: Won the war.
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To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian
restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied
it with an appraising eye.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
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I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth
on an individual.
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Sure Cure for a Headache
[Heard on an Indiana radio station...]
Sandra Smithson is recovering in the Kokomo Hospital after suffering a self-inflicted shotgun wound to her foot. Her daughter explained, “Mama had this really bad corn on her toe. Finally one day she just couldn’t take it anymore and she tried to shoot it off.”
After a brief and thoughtful pause, the daughter added “I’m sure glad mama didn’t have migranes!”