If Congress can't agree on a budget by midnight Friday,
the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to
tax all of the people's money and use it to fund abortions,
while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon
Mobile and relocate gays to Puerto Rico." -Jimmy Kimmel
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against
his wife."Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident
that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your
wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man test-
ified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the
wife." One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the
midst of some pretty heavy lovemaking when the old lady in
the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled,
'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"
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Math Class
The test I gave my math class covered everything we'd studied all
year -- fractions, percentages and portions of whole units.
But maybe I could have explained things better. To the question "What
portion of a foot is six inches?"
One student answered, "The toes?"
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Swallowing a Coin
The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat,
and his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man
passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a
few strong strokes on the back, and he coughed the coin out.
"I don't know how to thank you, doctor," his mother started.
"I'm not a doctor," the man replied. "I'm from the IRS."
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Tax Code
The U.S. Tax Code is pretty complex, but sometimes there are
little nuggets of clarity that really make sense. Yesterday
in my class we read from the Internal Revenue Code.
Section 708(a) of the Internal Revenue Code states: "...an
existing partnership shall be considered as continuing if it
is not terminated."
I guess it's just like an individual shall be considered as
alive if he or she is not dead.