Saturday, December 11, 2004

hUMOR For December 11th

********************************
Got Cable?

In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and mini-vans. This has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy.

One day, as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"
********************************
*Top Ten Gifts Your Wife Doesn't Want For Christmas*
10. A car wash kit
9. A table saw
8. Two all-day passes to Circuit City's Home Theatre Installation Seminar
7. A case of oil
6. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated
5. Custom engraved bowling ball
4. New outboard motor for fishing boat
3. Rambo Trilogy on DVD
2. New satellite dish with sports package
1. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic
********************************
On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments.

Then, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's got the remote?"
********************************
Close Enough for Government Work

This insurance company's contract with a government agency has just expired, and a technician fields the call from an agency bureaucrat reminding him that he needs to destroy the agency-provided software.

"I agreed that we would delete the software from the mainframe computer,"
says the tech.

The reply? "That's not good enough -- the software must be destroyed."

"How do you destroy software?" tech asks. But the agency guy can't give specifics. "He just kept insisting that deleting the software was not enough -- we must destroy the software!"

The tech finally suggested that we copy the software onto a tape cartridge, have a steamroller roll over it and send the flattened tape cartridge to the agency.

The steamroller was on site because a company was repaving the parking lot.
The tech suggested the idea because of frustration with the construction in the parking lot -- and frustration with the government employee who did not seem to have a clue about the nature of software.

We put the flattened cartridge, at least all the pieces worth picking up, and the crushed tape into a padded envelop and mailed it to the government agency, to his attention.

We received a sincere thank you from the agency.