Today's hUMOR

Great Cheese

A customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased with his meal
that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into
the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a
month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese.
Ours is imported!"

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"Beautiful Name Tag"

Our favorite restaurant has a waitress whose name-tag reads "Beautiful."

"Is that really your name?" I asked her.

"No" she admitted. "But if people are going to holler at me all day, I can at least be called something I like."

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CleanPun

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
~Fred Allen

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One Liner

"If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?"

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CleanQuote

"I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up, if I'd known that so much of adulthood is ad-libbed."

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"Self-Righteous Perceptions"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large building. The second man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

The nonsmoker says, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?"

"Four."

"How long have you been smoking?"

"Thirty years."

"That's over six thousand packs. Why, if you didn't smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building."

The smoker takes a deep puff and says, "Do you smoke?"

"Never."

"Do you own this building?"

"No."

"Well, I do."