New Car
The first Sunday after my husband and I bought a new car, we parked
it in the last row of the church lot, not wanting to be ostentatious.
While talking with friends after the service, my husband accidentally
hit the panic button on his electronic key. Immediately our car's
horn blared and its lights flashed.
Watching my husband fumble with the button, his friend teased,
"Wouldn't it have been in better taste to just put a few lines in the
church bulletin?"
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"Mule Solution"
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
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Oneliner
"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be."
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CleanPun - "Name Puns"
Baby name ideas, based on your occupation.....
PROFESSION: NAME
Lawyer's daughter: Sue
Thief's son: Rob
Lawyer's son: Will
Doctor's son: Bill
Meteorologist's daughter: Haley
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Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his
parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant
father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his
mother.
"Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny
excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at
30 to 1!"