"Cold Cream Questions"
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"
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CleanPun - Today's Market Activity Helium was up.
Feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Dr Pepper fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&One Liner
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." ~Henny Youngman
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&CleanQuote
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible."
~ George Burns
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&~ George Burns
"Careless Words"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions.
After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."
The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing,
"Be vewy, vewy quiet. We are hunting submawenes."
Good morning crew, Hot Dog, Memorial Day! Old Mason and I have plans to do a little grilling at his place, but the last weather report I saw was a little iffy. So right now I could either be outside in sunny, ninety degree weather with a beer in one hand while flipping chicken wings with the other...or I could be sitting in my apartment heating up a frozen pizza while the rain comes down in buckets.
But if you are outside today, grilling pounds of delicious cheeseburgers and mountains of sausages and drinking all of that ice cold beer, please take a minute to remember the men and women who died in the service. It's their day!
Laugh it up,
Good morning crew,
Hot Dog, Memorial Day! Old Mason and I have plans to do a little grilling at his place, but the last weather report I saw was a little iffy. So right now I could either be outside in sunny, ninety degree weather with a beer in one hand while flipping chicken wings with the other...or I could be sitting in my apartment heating up a frozen pizza while the rain comes down in buckets.
But if you are outside today, grilling pounds of delicious cheeseburgers and mountains of sausages and drinking all of that ice cold beer, please take a minute to remember the men and women who died in the service. It's their day!
Laugh it up,