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Childbirth
After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife.
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes."
"Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly.
The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears."
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After my 11 year old son did something really dumb, I called him a "moron." He looked at he like he was saying, "Dad, do you know anything?"
He finally said "Dad I looked 'moron' up in the dictionary and the definition of it is 'a person who has the intelligence of a 12 year old.' Thanks Dad, you just gave me a compliment!"
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Gladys Dunn was new in town and decided to visit the church nearest to her new apartment.
She appreciated the pretty sanctuary and the music by the choir, but the sermon went on and on. Worse, it wasn't very interesting. Glancing around, she saw many in the congregation nodding off.
Finally it was over. After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking gentleman next to her, extended her hand and said, "I'm Gladys Dunn."
He replied, "You and me both!"
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E-Mail Blessing
Peace be unto you, your computer and the e-mail you receive this day.
May the mail you receive not require you to multiply it tenfold or Return it within a limited time frame.
May the mail you receive not require you to take action to prove Your love, friendship, or concern for the welfare of the sender.
May the mail you receive not start with Fw Fw Fw, not contain Strangely named attachments and contain a "<" for every ">".
May the mail you receive not require you to look closely at Those on the playground to see if they are the non-missing children You are to be searching for.
May the mail you receive not cause you to change Your eating habits to avoid plagues, pestilence and the eating Of parts of things that you can't buy at Wal-Mart.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to carry a steel Plate on which to sit in theaters or other public places.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to learn the 800 Number for the National Missing Child Bureau, Center for Disease Control or the FCC.
May your inaction to the mail you receive not cause the Death of monks, missionaries, mothers or the misguided.
And above all may peace and harmony be yours until Tomorrow.
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Bad Day
You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Dad. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"