Sunday, April 17, 2005

hUMOR For April 17th

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When the minister picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line.
"Hello, is this the minister?"
"Yes, this is."
"I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do you recognize the name?"
"Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?"
"Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductable contribution to your church. Is this true?"
"Well, I'll have to have our bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?"
"Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik."Can you tell me if that amount is true?"
There is a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied the minister.......
"Call back tomorrow. I'm sure it will be."
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When the minister picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line.
"Hello, is this the minister?"
"Yes, this is."
"I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do you recognize the name?"
"Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?"
"Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductable contribution to your church. Is this true?"
"Well, I'll have to have our bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?"
"Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik."Can you tell me if that amount is true?"
There is a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied the minister.......
"Call back tomorrow. I'm sure it will be."
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Tax Assessment time - Goods vs GOODS
A tax assessor came one day to a poor Christian to determine the amount of taxes he would have to pay. The following conversation took place:
"What property do you possess?" asked the assessor.
"I am a very wealthy man," replied the Christian.
"List your possessions, please," the assessor instructed.
The Christian said:
"First, I have everlasting life, John 3:16
Second, I have a mansion in heaven, John 14:2
Third, I have peace that passes all understanding, Philippians 4:7
Fourth, I have joy unspeakable, 1 Peter 1:8
Fifth, I have divine love which never fails, 1 Corinthians 13:8
Sixth, I have a faithful pious wife, Proverbs 31:10
Seventh, I have healthy, happy obedient children, Exodus 20:12
Eighth, I have true, loyal friends, Proverbs 18:24
Ninth, I have songs in the night, Psalms 42:8
Tenth, I have a crown of life, James 1:12
The tax assessor closed his book, and said, "Truly you are a very rich man, but your property is not subject to taxation."
I pray that all of us will have this kind of tax free "wealth."
Have a richly blessed day.
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IRS Audit

The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by an IRS
agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the
year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a
dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a
year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these travel
deductions. You listed six trips to Florida for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business expense
because we also deliver."