Weird News
Man spends 41 hours stuck in elevator
Nicholas White, 34, said he was on his way back to his office on the 39th floor of his building after a late-night cigarette break one Friday last October when the elevator stopped between floors and refused to budge, ABC's "Good Morning America" reported exclusively.
White said he screamed and rang the emergency bell, but no one heard him.
"After a certain amount of time I knew I was in big trouble," said White, who said he lost track of time without his cell phone.
"I had no idea if it was day or night," he said.
White said he urinated by prying the doors open and relieving himself down the elevator shaft.
It wasn't until 4 p.m. Sunday that a voice came over the intercom and asked if anyone was inside the elevator.
White, who received a settlement from the building, said that despite his ordeal, which was recorded by a surveillance video camera, he has not given up elevators.
"Living in
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Police: Man tried to take M&M statue
Investigators said the employee spotted a man walking out of the store with the 3-foot-tall, yellow M&M statue and followed the would-be candy-napper to his car, the Sheboygan Press reported Monday.
The employee confronted the man, who offered to pay $5 for the item -- which is worth closer to $50 -- and the suspect drove away after the employee grabbed the statue from his car.
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Man cites cop for parking
PORTLAND, Ore. (UPI) -- A Portland, Ore., man has issued a series of citizen-initiated parking charges against a police officer he claims illegally parked his patrol vehicle.
Eric Bryant, who recently passed the
Bryant claims Stensgaard admitted parking improperly, but asked, "If someone broke into your house, would you rather have the police be able to park in front of your house or have to park three blocks away and walk there?"
However, Bryant said the officer did nothing inside the restaurant other than apparently pick up some food he ordered.
"If he had acknowledged and corrected his error, we could have avoided his whole thing," said Bryant. "But instead, he kept watching basketball and told me he wasn't doing anything wrong."
Bryant initiated violation proceedings as a citizen against Stensgaard -- alleging illegal parking, illegal stopping, not obeying parking restrictions on state highways, and illegal operation of an emergency vehicle or ambulance. If the judge agrees with Bryant in court May 23, Stensgaard could face $540 in fines.
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The Frog and the Rat
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Okay, 100 grand for just the scatting rat." The drunk say, "Deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a ventriliquist"
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Heaven's Ugliest
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."
So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"
He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."
She says to the first two guys, "I lied."
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Lost in the Middle of Nowhere
One day three guys were driving in the middle of nowhere when their car broke down. They got out and looked around at their surroundings.
Finally, the first guy says, "I'm gonna go look for some food."
The other two guys say, "Why?".
"So we can eat of course." says the first guy.
Once the first guy comes back the second guy says, "I'm going to go get some water".
"Why" asked the other two.
"So we can drink it if we get thirsty of course".
Once the second guy gets back the third guy goes and tears off the car door.
"Whats that for?" asked the other two.
"In case we get hot we can roll down the window."
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Hemp Bags
Jerry, Perry, and Cletus escaped from jail. They were being chased by the police. They were running through the streets when they saw an old barn. So they ran in and found three hemp bags. They all jumped in.
The coppers walked in the barn and saw the three hemp bags. One copper goes to the other "Kick the hemp bags to make sure nothing's in them"
So the copper walks up to the heshin bag with Jerry and kicked it.
He said "Meow Meow" and the coppers thought it was a cat and walked to the next hemp bag.
The copper kicked the second heshin bag with Perry in it. He said "Woof Woof" so the coppers walked to the third hemp bag thinking a dog was in the second one.
The copper kicked the third heshin bag with Cletus in it. And he said "Potatoes".
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"One
The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room schoolhouse, which the buyer converted into a tavern.
One day an elderly man was walking by the place with his granddaughter. The old man pointed to the building and said, "That's where I used to go to school."
"Really?" asked the girl. "Who was the bartender then?"
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CleanQuote
"Old age comes at a very bad time"
- Author Unknown
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Illustration - "Revelation"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
My wife's family and I were at a
Near the beginning of the third quarter after the announcer called a play, my niece, Madison, looked up at my wife and innocently asked, "Is that God talking?"
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Young Patient
My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15
year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang and the boy's mother
reached over to pick it up.
After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside and
said, "Your father wants to know if you have any cute nurses."
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm,
ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they're absolutely gorgeous!"