"Dining Problem"
Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture on the week's topic - the problems of dining out. She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried. Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"
Replied one woman quickly, "Running into you!"
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CleanQuote
"Never remember what you can afford to forget."
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"Advertising"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller-- guaranteed to work."
I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
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Dependents
A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked
how many dependents he had.
"Sixteen," he replied.
The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"
The man replied, "Not if I can help it."
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"Karen, do you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?"
Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair.
But your husband is still alive.
I know, but his hair is gone.
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There was a telemarketer who was trying to make a particularly difficult
sale. Just as the person was about to hang up, the telemarketer said, "Look,
pretend I'm your kid asking for money. What would you say?"
The man hung up instantly.
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"A free lunch is only found in mousetraps." - John Capozzi
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A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little
children on the plane. They had been bugging her since
take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or
tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or whatever
else you could imagine a small child commenting on and
complaining about.
Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the
children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them
to go play outside.
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A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little
children on the plane. They had been bugging her since
take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or
tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or whatever
else you could imagine a small child commenting on and
complaining about.
Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the
children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them
to go play outside.