********************************
Insurance Claim
(This is an oldie but a goodie)
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured
them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his
entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his
first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the
insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small
fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason:
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued
... and won!
In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer
held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars
were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,
without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal
process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to
the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART....
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested
on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from
the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of
intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months
in jail and a $24,000.00 fine
********************************
A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.
One day her friend stopped her and -- noticing her well long, groomed nails -- asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.
"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."
********************************
A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election.
"More on candidates at 10 p.m.," he said.
My ten-year-old granddaughter Ashley looked at me in disbelief.
"I didn't know they could call politicians 'morons' on national television!"
********************************
My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later.
At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch.
The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?"
"Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?"