Sister Logical
Logic for your Catholic friends...
[There were two nuns - one of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was
known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent...]
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives...
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: Logically he reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you!
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"Bicycle Accidents"
In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserma Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very common to see soldiers riding bicycles back and forth to work.
So it came as no big surprise that, after a series of painfully comic accidents, a new policy was announced, saying in summary, "Soldiers shall no longer salute officers who are engaged in the riding of a bicycle."
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CleanQuote
"Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden; it is forbidden because it is hurtful."
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"Heaven"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
My friend's 5 year old granddaughter looked at the stars one night and exclaimed, "God's home! All his lights are on!"
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An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I
can't see very well these days."
The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2
weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
The doctor says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a
water hose the past 2 years."
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The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been
getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped."
"Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the
mail is a federal offense. Do you know who's sending them?"
"Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue
Service."
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"Trouble with grammar have I, yes." - Yoda
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Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to
operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see
accountants on my operating table, because when you open
them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color-coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are
the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction
workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few
parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer
than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate
on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head
and tail are interchangeable."
Received from CMZitzer.
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We are all in the Process-Good therapy to laugh at one's self
tHIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM A NEWSLETTER-The story is told of two elderly ladies who had been friends for many decades and had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities were limited to a few times a week to play cards. One day, as they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her in fact, for three minutes just sat and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”