Thanks to Marti -- Before I was a Mom...
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about
how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my
teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom...
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a
lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were
poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom...
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom...
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors
could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby
sleep.
Before I was a Mom...
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't
want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when
I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my
life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom...
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside
my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a
hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her
child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me
feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom...
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every
10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never
known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I
didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I
was a Mom.
And before I was a Grandma...
I didn't know that all those "Mom" feelings more than
doubled!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to LBS: NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out
loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a
Tennessee school district. (Spellings have been left
intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just
sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT
TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK
AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON
JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS
ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS.
YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS
HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH
TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING
FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE
HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN
HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY
LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.
HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE:
[WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT. (Love it! )
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.
HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS
BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS
FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit!
}
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE
WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL
YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE
PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT
WAS SUNDAY.
17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE
HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL.
18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS
TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I
absolutely LOVE that one!}
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.
HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.
SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A
GANGOVER.
22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND
UNDER THE DOCTOR.
23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE
HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH.
HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER
BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I
WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE
MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT
HOT LAST NIGHT.
NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER
EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nervous Witness
An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer
thundered, "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."
"Whom did you marry?"
"Well, a woman."
The lawyer bellowed angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you
ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
To which the witness replied meekly, "My sister did."