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Thanks to a friend: Are you there?
A little boy, who was "very" much afraid of the dark,
was told by his mother to go out to the back porch and
bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I
don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. You don't
have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus
is out there He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and
asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure . He is everywhere, and he is always
ready to help you when you need him" she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and
then went to the back door and cracked it a little.
Peering out into the darkness, he called "Jesus? If
you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
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Thanks to a friend: Jonah
A little girl was observed by her preacher standing
outside the preschool Sunday School classroom between
Sunday School and worship, waiting for her parents to
come and pick her up for "big church."
The preacher noticed that she clutched a big storybook
under her arms with the obvious title, "Jonah and the
Whale."
Feeling a little pernicious, he knelt down beside the
little girl and began a conversation. "What's that you
have in your hand?" he asked.
"This is my storybook about Jonah and the Whale," she
answered.
"Tell me something, little girl," he continued, "do
you believe that story about Jonah and that whale to
be the truth?"
The little girl implored, "Why of course I believe
this story to be the truth!"
He inquired further, "You really believe that a man
can be swallowed up by a big whale, stay inside him
all that time, and come out of there still alive and
OK? You really believe all that can be true?"
She declared, "Absolutely, this story is in the Bible
and we studied about it in Sunday School today!"
Then the preacher asked, "Well, little girl, can you
prove to me that this story is the truth?"
She thought for a moment and then said, "Well, when I
get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah."
The preacher then asked, "Well, what if Jonah's not in
Heaven?"
She then put her hands on her little hips and sternly
declared, "Then YOU can ask him!"
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Thanks to a friend: A Blonde Puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw
puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to look like
when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box,
it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the
puzzle. She lets him in and shows him to where she
has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the
box, and says, "First, no matter what we do, we're not
going to be able to assemble these pieces into
anything resembling a tiger. Second, I'd advise you
to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all
these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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Here is an old favorite, submitted by a friend:
Why Are Firetrucks Red?
Do you know why fire trucks are red? Well... fire
trucks have eight wheels and four firemen. Eight and
four are twelve. There are twelve inches in a foot. A
foot is a ruler. The Queen Elizabeth (named after a
great ruler) is the largest ship on the seas. Seas
have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the
Russians. The Russian flag is mostly red. Fire trucks
are always 'rushin' around. Therefore fire trucks are
red.
If you think this reasoning is a bit far fetched, you
ought to hear some people try to explain why they are
not in Sunday school and church!!
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From a friend: Five Finger Prayer (Author Unknown)
1. Your Thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers
by praying for those closest to you. They are the
easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as
C.S. Lewis once said "sweet duty."
2. The next finger is the Pointing Finger. Pray for
those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes
teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support
and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction.
Keep them in your prayers.
3. The next finger is the Tallest Finger. It reminds
us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in
business and industry, and administrators. These
people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They
need God's guidance.
4. The fourth finger is our Ring Finger. Surprising to
many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as
any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to
pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain.
They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray
too much for them.
5. And lastly comes our Little Finger, the smallest
finger of all. Which is where we should place
ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible
says, "The least shall be the greatest among you."
Your Pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By
the time you have prayed for the other four groups,
your own needs will be put into proper perspective and
you will be able to pray for yourself more
effectively.
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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's
done it again!"
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The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed. The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.
The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her. Finally, one of them muttered to the other, "Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear," carefully spelling the key word.
Whereupon the child piped up, "But awful s-m-a-r-t."
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The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed. The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.
The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her. Finally, one of them muttered to the other, "Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear," carefully spelling the key word.
Whereupon the child piped up, "But awful s-m-a-r-t."