Eternally Grateful
Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas.
Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter
from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall
that happens to be open and pockets the quarter.
Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in
a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes
to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million
dollars.
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture
circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences
that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if
he ever finds the man he will share his fortune with him.
After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and
says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter."
"Yes, I remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I
mean the guy who left the stall door open!"
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"More Bulletin Bloopers"
Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which we are thankful.
The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on Saturdays.
We'll kick off the Christmas season this morning with our first hymn, "The First Nowell"
Our Wednesday Night Family Cafeteria meal will feature a variety of Chinese dishes including One Ton Soup.
Events: December 9th, Christmas Caroling at the Parkview Nursing Home 7:00 p.m., December 10th, Breakfast with Satan 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. in the Fellowship Hall.
The Youth Group had a scavenger hunt, did face painting, and played a game called, "Find the gun." They had a great time.
The Pastor's Corner: A Personal Massage from Jesus
Due to Construction on the North side of the parking lot, we will soon be changing entrances. Please exit the new driveway which is the one in between the old entrance and the old exit. Please exit from the new exit which is the old entrance.
Our Senior's group is sponsoring a dance December 12. You can Dance the Night Away from 5:00 until 7:00 p.m. for only $5 per person.
What are you doing for Lunch Tuesday? Local Funeral Director Barry Gilbert will talk about the benefits of cremation.
The Riegieman Chiropractic Center will host Kid's Day this Saturday. They'll be treating the youth group to spinal exams, backpack checks, I.D. Cards, etc.
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CleanQuote
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it... Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate.... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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"Integrity"
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, and the place is closed only three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said, smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."
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I had just pulled into a parking spot at the home
improvement store when smoke and flames began pouring from
under my hood.
Frantic, I bolted into the store and ran up to the first
clerk I saw. As luck would have it, he was standing behind
the Customer Service counter.
"Please help," I gasped. "My car's on fire! I need a fire
extinguisher!"
Without even looking up, he replied, "Aisle 12."
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I was shopping with my husband at a local supermarket and suddenly couldn't
find him. "I've lost my husband!" I muttered slightly louder than was
necessary.
Then I heard a woman's voice from the next aisle, "Some people have all the
luck."
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When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy
my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter.
During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing and aahing about a
husband getting flowers for his wife. "How often do you do that?" one asked.
Before I could answer, the cashier, more than familiar with my routine,
said, "Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."
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"The president of Mexico has arrived in the U.S., thanks to some nifty fence
climbing. ... I thought this was encouraging. He offered to take President
Bush's job for $3 an hour cash." - David Letterman
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Thanks to Marti -- A Plethora of Puns
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two
tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead
giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count
votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but
broke it off.
A chicken crossing the ro ad is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the
key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never
developed''. ED FOSTER''''
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a
small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a
mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
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From GCFL: Drinking Binge
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush
restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken
lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby
table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took
to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My goodness!" says the wife. "Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?"
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Todays LAST LAUGH goes to Kathie of FriendsFellowship
-- a delightful yahoo!Group -- An Old Farmer's Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and
bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John
Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not
yelled.
* Meanness don't just happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than
you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about isn't never
going to happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life Then when you get older
and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with something that isn't bothering
you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain
dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to
do is stop digging.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have
to deal with, watches you from the mirror every
morning.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment.
* Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier
than putting it back in.
* If you get to thinking you're a person of some
influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.