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Mortality
I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a widow. One day my
daughter called home from college, and I announced to her, "I think it's
time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried."
"It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she snapped
indignantly. Then there was a brief silence.
"Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?"
When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure."
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The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long and difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way.
Later, in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter something truly poetic. Instead he asked, "What'd we decide to call her again?"
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
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A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the same point in every game."
"When is that?" asked the kid.
"Right after the National Anthem."
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Here is today's CleanPun.
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
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Bank Robber
Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the
third time by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?"
"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"
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Andy Says... Just Think About This!
** The present was an egg laid by the past that had the future inside its shell. - Zora Neale Hurston
** All things are connected. We did not weave the web of life; we are but a strand it in. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the people of the earth. -- Chief Seattle
** There are things known, and there are things unknown. And in between are the doors. -- Jim Morrison
** We are drowning in information and starving for knowledge. -- Rutherford D. Roger
** The worst use that can be made of success is to boast of it. - Arthur Helps (1813 - 1875), Writer
** The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. - Robert C. Dodds, Writer
** You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. - Colette (1873 - 1954), Writer
** A truly great person is the one who gives you a chance. - Paul Duffy, Writer
** Backbone beats wishbone every time.
** Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, U.S.
Ambassador to the U.N.
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Pumpkin clarified
A woman was asked by a co-worker, "What is it like to be a Christian?"
The co-worker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc., and then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see."
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2004 Election Voter Guide
Depending on the way you lean, the following information could have bearing on decisions you make November 2004.
Issues of Importance?
Gay Marriage
President Bush is opposed
John Kerry favors
Partial-Birth Abortion
President Bush is opposed
John Kerry favors
Restoring voluntary prayer in the public schools President Bush Favors John Kerry is Opposed
Assault on Mel Gibson for making film about Christ President Bush supports Gibson John Kerry participated in Left's assault on Gibson, suggesting possible anti-Semitism even though Kerry had not seen the film.
Assault on boy Scouts for belief in God and not allowing Homosexual Scout Leaders President Bush supports Boy Scouts' stand John Kerry opposes boy Scouts' stand
Asking for God's blessing on America
President Bush often asks God to bless America in his speeches John Kerry attacks Bush for mentioning God so often
Judges
President bush says "We need common-sense judges who believe our rights are derived from God."
John Kerry insists on judges who support the ACLU's radical anti-Christian, anti-God, anti-family agenda.
John Kerry is insistent on blocking President Bush's federal judge appointments.
Overall Record
President Bush does not vote on issues before Congress but, based on his publicly stated positions, would receive an 85% conservative rating from the American Conservative Union if he did.
John Kerry, according to the highly respected, politically-neutral National Journal rates Kerry the most liberal U. S. Senator in 2003 -- more liberal than Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton.