Do You See God?
SOMEBODY'S RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT!
One Nation, "Under God".
One day a 6-year-old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was
going to explain "evolution" to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He
just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LTTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school,
she must not have one!
(You Go Girl!)
FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT, II CORINTHIANS 5:7
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MAINTAINING A DISTANCE OF 5 PACES BEHIND!!!
Barbara Walters of 20/20 (USA-ABC Television) did a story on gender
roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk
behind their husbands. From Ms. Walters vantage point, despite the
overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk
even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the
old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,
"Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so
desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes and without
hesitation, said, "Land mines."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
During WWII, the Japanese were searching for a way to
demoralize the American forces that they faced. Their Psychological
warfare experts came up with a message that they thought would work
well. They gave the script to their famous broadcaster "Tokyo Rose"
and everyday she would broadcast this same message packaged in various
ways hoping to have an impact on American GI morale.
What was the message? It had three main points:
1. Your President is lying to you.
2. This war is illegal.
3. You cannot win the war
Sound familiar?
Maybe it's because the Democrat Party has picked up the same message
and is broadcasting it to our troops. The only difference is that they
claim to support our troops before they demoralize them. Come to think
of it, Tokyo Rose used to tell the troops she was on their side.
Think about this next Election Day.
Let's see how many people vote for Tokyo Harry, Tokyo Teddy, Tokyo
Nancy , Tokyo Murtha, Tokyo John, or Tokyo Hillary.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at
self-promotion. So when an advertising company offered to
put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a
supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went
by before we got a call that could be traced to those
placards.
"Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked.
"That's right," my father answered. "May I help you?"
"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my
yard, and I want you to come and get it."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become
coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or
you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll
to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched
is directly proportional to the stupidity of the act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss a flat tire
made you late for work, the very next morning you will
have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will start to move faster than the
one you are in now. (works every time)
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in
water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting
someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, people with seats furthest
from the aisle, arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that
lasts until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people
in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chance that an
open-faced jelly sandwich will land face-down on the
floor is directly correlated to the newness and cost
of the carpet/rug.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product you really
like, they will stop making it.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Why Are You Here?"
A man dressed as napoleon went to see a psychiatrist at the urging of his wife. "What's your problem?" the doctor asked?
"I have no problem," the man replied. "I'm one of the most famous people in the world. I have a great army behind me. I have all the money I'll ever need, and I live in great luxury."
"Then why are you here?"
"It's because of my wife," the man said. "She thinks she's Mrs.Levine."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today's Oneliner
"Light sabers don't kill people. Jedi Knights kill people."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanPun - "Flea"
Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perfectly Made
When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my
sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left
for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable
when the agent showed it to prospective buyers.
I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was
perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I
discovered his secret.
He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.