At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is
Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a
problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot
died."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international
competition?"
"Si, that's the one."
"Darn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.
What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, senor. He ate the meat of the dead caballo."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky."
"Mr. Lucky! My horse that won the Preakness a few years
back?"
"Si."
"How did he die?"
"He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your hacienda! A candle fell, and the curtains
caught on fire."
"What!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was
the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"FUNERAL? WHAT FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue, and
I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger
Woods Nike Driver."
*SILENCE*
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're fired!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a volunteer who conducts educational tours of the Zoo, Sally occasionally
receives thank you notes from members of
school groups.
One of her favorites said: "Dear Sally, I am a third grader. I loved all the
animals in the zoo. You were the best of all."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this
should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor
asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a
patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket
because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a
bed near the window .
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness