Newspaper AdThe following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared fourdays in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the firstday's mistake.MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. Itshould have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 PM."WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has receivedseveral annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in theclassified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale-- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. Ismashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected.I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she wasmy housekeeper but she quit!
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A friend of mine came up to me one day and said to me,
"Let's play a game. Let's play who can hit the softest."
Thinking it would be along the lines of a tickling contest,
I said, "Okay."
I was allowed to go first, so I edged up and barely touched
my friend's arm with the tip of my finger. My friend
responded with balling his fist, hitting me with all his
strength, and saying, "I lose."
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Dropped Your Wallet
Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."
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Gathering Chickens
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. "Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them." "Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."
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Red Fire Fighter
There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine. Four and eight makes 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler. The Queen Elizabeth was a ship. Ships sail in the sea. The sea has fish. Fish have fins. The Finns are always fighting the Russians. Russians are known as "red". Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.
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For The Kids...
Knock KnockWho's there?Mortimor!Mortimor who?Mortimor that meets the eye! Knock KnockWho's there?Mozart!Mozart who?Mozart is in museums! Knock KnockWho's there?Mr!Mr who!Missed her at the bus stop! Knock KnockWho's there?Muffin!Muffin who?Muffin the matter with me, how about you? Knock KnockWho's there?Muffin!Muffin who?Muffin grouchy first thing in the morning!
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A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer per year. That means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.