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Kimo is a bus driver for the Honolulu Transit Company. One
day Kimo is headed to work on his bus route, when he runs across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The van driver works for the Honolulu Zoo. He pleads with Kimo to do him a favor.
He offers a $100 bill to Kimo to help him deliver a
truckload of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be there within the hour. Agreeing, Kimo proceeds to load two dozen penguins onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards the zoo.
An hour later, the delivery driver gets his van fixed and
heads off to the zoo to catch up with his delivery. As he's driving down the road, he see's Kimo and the busload of penguins heading in the opposite direction. He turns his van around and chases in pursuit. He finally catches up to the bus and pulls over Kimo on the side of the road. In an irate voice he asks, "Hey, Kimo. I thought I gave you a $100 dollars to go and take the penguins to the zoo for me?"
"Calm down," Kimo says. "I took the penguins to the zoo. We
had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies!"
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e will water the thorn for the sake
of the rose. ~Kanem proverb
Prevention is a very important part of diabetes
self-care. We want to prevent the complications of
diabetes. But prevention is not the whole picture.
Can you imagine getting out of bed in the morning,
stretching, and saying: "Well, another day to prevent blindness"?
Beyond prevention of early death, disability, and
disease, there is the promotion of life, health, and well-being. The reason we eat nutritiously, take medication (if prescribed), exercise, and monitor blood glucose is so that we can enjoy life.
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High Philosophy...
I had amnesia once -- or twice, I can't remember.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now
what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were
Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make
me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride
horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home
and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge
his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything
else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about
other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem
begins to look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you
explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and
I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like
chicken?
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Do you remember?
In 1968, Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were
kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
2. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
3. During the 1980's a number of Americans were
kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
4. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown
up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
5. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked
and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and
thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
6. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and
a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was
murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
7. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
8. In 1993 the WorldTradeCenter was bombed the first
time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
9. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania
were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild
Bill' s women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
10. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were
used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers
and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US
Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by: a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd b. The Supreme Court of Florida c. Mr. Bean d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
11. In 2002 the United States fought a war in
Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The LutheranChurch
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
12. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and
murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of
17 and 40
The answer to all of the questions is d.
How did you do?
EDITOR'S NOTE: While some might think that racially
unfair and etc., for whatever you might say about it
one thing is sure: it is accurate. Perhaps we need
to do a bit of re-thinking some of the PC assumptions
about us...
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Dentist Bill
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." - Pablo Picasso
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Here is today's Illustration. - Prayer
A good friend was waiting nearby while his young son prayed silently before going to bed. Suddenly the boy burst out laughing.
"Reggie!" scolded his father, "Why are you laughing during prayer?"
"But Dad," the boy answered, "you told me that prayer is talking to God as to a friend, and I just told him a joke."
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PERKS OF BEING OVER 501. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.4. People call at 9 PM and ask, " Did I wake you?"5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.7. Things you buy now won't wear out.8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM. 9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.13. You sing along with elevator music.14. Your eyes won't get much worse.15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.18. Your supply of brain cells are finally down to manageable size.19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.