What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine
card?
A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"
What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!
What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
"I've got a crutch on you!"
Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!
What do you call a very small valentine?
A valentiny!
What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my valenstein!"
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!
What did the paper clip say to the magnet on Valentine's
Day?
"I find you very attractive."
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!
What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."
Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because kidneys would look pretty gross!
What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses!
What did the bat say to his Valentine?
"You're fun to hang around with."
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"
Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
Because you always heart the one you love!
What did the elephant say to his Valentine?
"I love you a ton!"
What would you get it you crossed a blonde with the God of
love?
A stupid cupid!
Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?
She didn't suit his taste!
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Valentine Love & HissesWhat happens when you fall in love with a professional…
What happens when you fall in love with an artist?You get the brush.What happens when you fall in love with a chauffeur?You get taken for a ride.What happens when you fall in love with a chef?You get buttered up.What happens when you fall in love with a clockmaker?He two-times you.What happens when you fall in love with an elevator?He lets you down.What happens when you fall in love with a jogger?You get the run-around.What happens when you fall in love with a pastry cook?She desserts you.What happens when you fall in love with a shoe salesman?He walks all over you.What happens when you fall in love with a telephone operator?She gives you a phone-e line.What happens when you fall in love with a trash man?He dumps you.What happens when you fall in love with a trench digger?You get ditched.What happens when you fall in love with an underwear salesman?You get the slip.
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Religious One LinersDid you start out as a basket case?
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.Don't let your worries get the best of you - Moses started out as a basket case.Don't put a question mark where God put a period.Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to Church.Forbidden fruits create many jams.God doesn't call the qualified - He qualifies the called. God grades on the cross, not the curve. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts".God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.He who angers you, controls you.I don't know why some people change Churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from? If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats.If the Church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.It's easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.Many Church members who sing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.Peace starts with a smile.People are funny - they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the Church.Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty.Quit griping about your Church - if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.Some minds are like concrete - thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews. The best mathematical equation: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.We don't change the message, the message changes us.We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there. You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.